Surprises we’d rather skip

In February I was scheduled for my once-a-year CT scan since the conclusion of all treatments. My oncologist was pleased to report that all the areas where I previously had a mass in my chest and issues with the lymphoma appeared to be clear.  But he noted my thymus was somewhat enlarged and decided on a biopsy to just be sure about it.  I had to look this up since I’ve heard of a thyroid, but what’s a thymus?

Max van den Oetelaar

Turns out the biopsy detected cancer cells and what I now had was something quite rare considered to be a thymoma.  There are more terrible things it could be and so far none of the tests are indicating this to be the case.  But the best course of action was to remove the thymus since it’s not something we need later in our years.

So fast forward to my surgeon, a thoracic specialist, who performed the operation in mid March. This is the first time I’ve ever had surgery for anything, my previous cancer being treated with an over exuberance of chemotherapy and other drugs. The expectation shared with me was that this would be a few hours of prep, surgery, then post op followed by a couple of days in the hospital. What actually happened was a 3x longer surgery time as the mass was connected to other important organs (heart and lung) and I had two drains put in to keep my chest clear. A week in the hospital.

When I woke from the surgery, the one thing that really hit me was the amazing amount of pain in my right side and across my chest and back. The incisions and drains were on my left side! Because of the one drain coming across inside my chest, it created some intense uncomfortableness and I quickly became acquainted with “pain management”. I’m fairly sure this is on the Dante’s Circles of Hell scale.

Over the next 4 days, it was necessary to cycle the pain meds, muscle relaxers, nerve blockers, and to get to the point where my drains finished draining. I finally got home on Day 5 for recovery.

I’m since feeling significantly better and can breathe more freely and without pain which is a huge relief. Healing is underway. But I have to reflect on how this made me feel at one point while still struggling at the hospital. Once the tubes were removed and I could relax, it was then I realized how much pain can reduce you and take you down. Feeling less human. You don’t want to engage with others, eat or talk, and you move as conservatively as possible. It wears you out. My experience is more short-lived in dealing with the pain, but for those who have to live with this daily I cannot imagine what it takes to maintain your momentum in life.

This experience was a bit more “in your face” than I’d expected. My plan was to steamroll right through the procedure and instead it steamrolled me! I’m not dissuaded or discouraged by the secondary cancer development and don’t plan to let this slow me down in my aspirations. I’ll learn more in the coming weeks about any necessary post treatment, but in the meantime I’ve got lots to do, spring is coming and I’m enjoying all that lies ahead of me still.

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” -CG Jung