When you’re tired of being tired

It goes without saying that the chemo treatments can really take you down. The fatigue, tiredness, fogginess you feel have a not-so-endearing quality about them. When you start to feel almost normal, there is a new dose or adjustment that pulls you back in to the cloud again.

I’m pretty strong mentally and emotionally but the weariness of this experience has been such a struggle for me, even while I’m in the maintenance mode. I lose days or a week of not being able to do much of anything or to muster the energy to see people or go places. It wears you out and wears you down and you start to second guess yourself. It can make me feel broken and defective and pretty much useless.
At times like this, it’s more important than ever to have some one who helps you collect up the pieces and bring yourself back again, to remind you of your hard work and value, and that all of this matters. I have that someone and hope you do too. It’s what gets me back into the fight, to stand up straight and face the day.

I’ll stay the course and look forward to the day when I don’t have to take these meds. While they’re horrible in their construction, they’re immensely purposeful in giving me back my life. And on those days when the cloud lifts and things feel lighter, I celebrate those moments and shore up my reserves for the continued marathon.

Photo credit: Carry Chalk