Be your own best advocate!
From the moment you first hear the news about a cancer diagnosis, you instantly become the central, most important person in the situation. Any discussion that is going to take place, every opinion, emotion and decision will be for you and about you. You need to be involved in what they are so you still feel some control over your life.
Because this will feel like a complete shift in the balance of your life, centering yourself and finding a place to be calm is helpful. If possible, close out all of the extraneous activities, tasks, phone calls, emails, and only include what is absolutely necessary as you approach your process of treatment. It can help to keep you on track as you move ahead.
Everyone deals with the news of cancer differently, so whether you are a proactive, direct individual or someone who prefers to leave decisions to your medical team, it’s still important to know what is happening and be a part of any decisions and outcomes over time.
These are some of the initial tips to consider when you’re starting out on this path. While they may seem obvious, they’re worth reminding and taking to heart. There is more than enough to pay attention to at the start of your diagnosis without making things more complicated in your life.
1) Keep a journal
From the very start I kept a journal with me at all times. This was the place where I listed out who I had talked to, what they told me, how did I feel, and what other questions did I have. Because when the information starts coming at you, not only are you feeling like this is an “out of body” experience, you can’t always keep up with the details and remember everything that was said. So as you have each conversation—take notes. No one will mind or be offended. If you’re not sure what you heard, make them repeat it.
It also becomes a place where you can list out questions you’ll have, concerns and worries, how you’re feeling, what you need or want. We lose sleep when all these thoughts roll around in our head bouncing off the edges during the night. I’ve found writing them down creates a safe place to store these gremlins.
2) Bring a friend
For every major appointment, it’s good to have someone you trust with you. That second set of ears can help immensely and remind you of what went on. It’s a tough time—-don’t do this alone.
3) Ask questions
Keep in mind that all of what will transpire—information, tests, diagnosis etc—needs to be shared with you clearly and professionally by your doctor. That’s their job. This is a time when you need to be actively aware of what is happening and what decisions you want to make.
And any major decisions you need to make shouldn’t require an immediate answer when you have just received the information. The oncology doctor is usually part of a team and they may have assessed the options and given you their decisions or choices. But at all times, you can seek another opinion or let the information process before making your own decision. This is your health program and your body—you should feel comfortable with how the process will go.
4) Prioritize your life
This is also a moment to prioritize what is important and what you need to step away from or delegate.
I underestimated the time and energy the process would take for my treatments or my recovery. In the long run (and it was a very long run!) I had to step away from my business entirely along with volunteer activities. Only later was I able to start building some things back in again. But until you know how you’ll feel and how long the treatments and recovery may take, it’s best to let someone else take responsibility for daily tasks.
5) Get the help you need
Having said this, there are some people who can’t just walk away from their obligations to work, a business they own, or their family. So pursue what your company can help you with—disability, child care etc—and talk to the hospital about the services they provide. Financial assistance and social support are often available. The social workers in the oncology department can guide you through the resources you may need.
There are a myriad of other questions you’ll have: insurance, fertility concerns, home care, post cancer recovery and survivorship. Again, the hospital will usually have people who can work with you through these issues and help to guide your support.
If you want to access a helpful guide that talks through some of these points and many others, try this book: Your Cancer Roadmap: Navigating Life with Resiliency. It functions as a good working guide of questions and things to consider. Even three years later, I still refer to parts of this for my own recovery.
Peace and love on your journey!
